"Grief never ends, but it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love." - Author Unknown
This has been a very tough fall season for me. I have struggled through the end of summer, back to school, fall activities, watching other families interact, and even fun day planning. The week leading up to fun day I found myself in a complete fog emotionally. I couldn’t focus and my mind was always wandering everywhere but the to do list at hand. I LOVE fun day but I felt distant and couldn’t figure out why. That Friday morning, as I laid in bed trying to drag myself out, I had little footsteps tip toe in and crawl into bed to cuddle. It was, our sweet girl, Kaylee but as I heard those footsteps I was so clearly reminded of Nate’s footsteps. It was as if it was yesterday he was tip toeing around our bed, tapping me as he looked at the clock at my bedside, asking “Is it 7:00 yet?” We had a rule that it had to be 7 before he could get up to play because he was always our early riser, up and ready to tackle the day before the sun. That Friday morning before fun day, I sat and held Kaylee as my eyes welted with tears. This life we live sometimes just isn’t fair. As I began to feel guilty for still laying in bed when I knew I had a bazillion things to do for fun day that day… it dawned on me. My fog, it was me missing Nate. My fog, was knowing that this marvelous great day, was for him. If Nate were still here, there would be no fun day. That’s a tough and very bittersweet feeling. I wished Nate were still here but then felt guilty for that knowing what we’ve been able to do in his honor. Wow, what an emotion to wrestle with.
Fun Day is for Nate. It’s the first fundraiser that was created in his name where community came together to not only raise money for a playground but also to show support for our family and pour out love for Nate. Sunday came and Fun Day was another huge SUCCESS! Third year in a row, the day keeps growing in size and in it’s fundraising capabilities. I am overwhelmed that for the 3rd year, we still have overwhelming support from our family, friends, and community that step up to plan, volunteer, and attend. It was at the end of the day while the vendors and fun day team cleaned up that I was brought a bouquet of balloons from the admission table. As soon as I saw our friend bringing the balloons to me, my heart filled with love. I knew what I needed to do. I looked up, and released the balloons straight to Nate. It’s all for you little man. It’s for you.
Oh, look at that sun shining through the clouds. If that wasn’t God’s timing… I don’t know what is.
It’s a choice to make beauty from our pain. It’s a choice that we make with not only faith but with the support of each other, our families, friends, and this amazing community. It’s a choice to Go Out and Be Great and let Nate live through us. It’s not always easy, actually, I’ll rephrase that…. it’s not easy, but we do it. We do it for love. For love of the foundation, love of our community, love of Christ, and for our love of our sweet Nate. When we feel fatigued, worn down, and ready to quit. Christ’s love for us and our love for Nate keeps us going. We choose to love day in and day out.
All my love,
Katie